Computer Terminology

* ANALOG: Hors d’oeuvre, usually made from cheese and covered with crushed nuts.
* BACKUP: Opposite of go forward
* BATCH PROCESSING: Making a lot of cookies at once
* BINARY: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes
* BIT: 12-1/2 cents
* BRANCH: If watered, it will grow into a computer club (see computer club)
* BUFFER: Programmer who works in the nude
* BUG: 1. Programmer’s term for a feature. 2. An elusive creature living in a program which
makes it incorrect. Note: The activity of “debugging” or removing bugs from a program ends
when a programmer gets tired of doing it, not when all the bugs are removed
* CHARACTER DENSITY: The number of very weird people in the office, divided by the floor
space
* COMPUTER: A device designed to speed and automate errors
* COMPUTER CLUB: Used to strike computer forcefully upon receiving error messages
* CODING: An addictive drug
* COMPILE: A heap of decomposing vegetable matter
* COMPILER: Noah Webster (1758-1843)
* CONSOLE: What one does to a “down” computer
* CURSOR: An expert in 4-letter words
* DUMP: A system programmer’s work area
* FEATURE: Hardware limitation as described by a marketing representative
* HARDWARE: The parts of a computer which can be kicked
* KEYBOARD: An instrument used for entering errors into a system
* LANGUAGE: A system of organizing and defining error messages
* LOOP: See loop
* MACHINE-INDEPENDENT PROGRAM: A program which will not run on any machine
* MICROCOMPUTER: One millionth of a computer
* NULL STRING: The result of a 4-hour database search
* ONLINE: The idea that a human should always be accessible
* PASSWORD: The nonsense word taped to your terminal

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