The Computer That Diagnoses

One day Bill complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor.” His

friend offered, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything

quicker an cheaper than a doctor.” “Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will

diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.” Bill figured he

had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the

computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some

noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on

which was printed:

You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would

change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided

to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples

from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the

drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again

made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.

Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins.

Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren’t yours.
Get a lawyer.

And if you don’t stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better.

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