The Great Escape

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DNA Revealed

For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very little of an organism’s DNA seems to serve any useful function. I have solved the mystery. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the rest of it is comments. Once we decode a typical human [...]

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The Google Dude

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Computers in the Movies

Everything I Needed to Know About Computers I Learned in the Movies: 1. Word processors never display a cursor. 2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences. 3. All monitors and hand-held devices display 2-inch-high letters whenever you need to see what the operator is typing. 4. High-tech computers, such as [...]

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New Microsoft Windows Advertising Slogans

At the time of writing, Microsoft’s slogan for Windows 95 was “Where do you want to go today?” Thinking about the past, these are some today’s alternatives and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows. 1. Microsoft gives you Windows – OS/2 give you the whole house. 2. A computer without Windows is [...]

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Error Codes in Windows

WinErr 001: Windows loaded – System in dangerWinErr 002: No Error – YetWinErr 003: Dynamic linking error – Your mistake is now in every fileWinErr 004: Erroneous error – Nothing is wrongWinErr 005: Multitasking attempted – System confusedWinErr 006: Malicious error – Desqview found on driveWinErr 007: System price error – Inadequate money spent on [...]

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Fifty Ways to be Annoying in Computer Labs

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt. 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor [...]

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The Technical Geek Test

Are you a technical geek? Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. [...]

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Mailing List Users Changing Light Bulbs

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Exactly five hundred. 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed. 7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been [...]

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You have an Internet addiction when . . .

You kiss your girlfriend’s home page. A VRML virtual walk through a park is your idea of a good date. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8…ISDN…cable [...]

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